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created 4 years ago

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~ I’m running out of words to say..a decade of following Jesus and I’m running out of things to pray. I hate looking back because it’s my past I hate. But I don’t even look forward to tomorrow. I guess it’s hard to talk to god when your ashamed. So here we are 1.5k followers later. I’m with this same pen and pad and paper. I’m trying to share. How to manage this popularity wasn’t taught in my classes. Most of the time I feel like I’m in over my head. As a kid there was a picture of James Dean hung over my bed. He was a rebel. I am just a lost cause. I’m ignoring text and block calls. I held my head down low as I pass people in halls. I was expected to be somebod...

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CREATED BY

created 4 years ago

229 11

🖤🔪🖤🔪🖤🔪🖤🔪🖤🔪🖤🔪🖤🔪 ~ I’m running out of words to say..a decade of following Jesus and I’m running out of things to pray. I hate looking back because it’s my past I hate. But I don’t even look forward to tomorrow. I guess it’s hard to talk to god when your ashamed. So here we are 1.5k followers later. I’m with this same pen and pad and paper. I’m trying to share. How to manage this popularity wasn’t taught in my classes. Most of the time I feel like I’m in over my head. As a kid there was a picture of James Dean hung over my bed. He was a rebel. I am just a lost cause. I’m ignoring text and block calls. I held my head down low as I pass people in halls. I was expected to be somebod...

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@alyssa..xx that’s what I have heard from my sisters who both seems to went through something similar and I know they had rough couple years before we all “resolved our issues” but I don’t think they even had something that you can say depression if being social helped them or they must be pretending, I see myself more in this hole that’s endless, dark, lonely, and helpless then sometimes you pass by light but slowly it fades and when something happens you fall harder and faster, you see people getting saved but you and that got you questioning do god even love you or is he there to just mess with you until it’s life or death he scare you then save you once it’s over he put you through physical pain that you have to cope with, that’s my vision of where im stuck at and to this day I’m still falling to this day I’m still hurting from the bumps on the wall wondering why was I chosen if I don’t value anything and I’m tired of waiting for something magical, as much as I want to I still haven’t gotten checked for depression or anything I think I might have or my guts tell me I have bc I lost my voice

4 years ago

@bxby_gangsta yeah. Sometimes I get lost in between reality and this imagine I have created for myself. I hate when people are just like talk to your friends or spend time with your family. Do something that makes you happy. But really at this point in life nothing can make you happy anymore. And being social is overall just a obstacle by itself. People think that over time things will get better. But we’re stuck in a dark tunnel with no light at the end.

4 years ago

@alyssa..xx worst part is that people don’t realize they are the main problem and these people do your “family” your ”friends” others are just society pov that’s just so fucked up, I have to deal with that most a lot that at this point I don’t even know what self worth really is yet here I go telling others theirs and I have this whole picture and personality painted on me outside of this app that I don’t even like then there I find myself between that person and real me I just get so confused, one day I feel petty the next day I feel ugly then the next I feel worthless I just constantly want to change just to make myself feel better no matter the risk but I have to do so much pretending that I lost myself and I change so much mix personality, I don’t even have no one irl to tell all this to without the questions and the phrases of it being all in my head it’s just complicated